The "Shoulds" That Drag You Down

 by Mary Jo Wehniainen

The next time you notice yourself saying you "should" do something, stop and take a closer look. It could be that little statement is one of your biggest energy drains.

Typically, I’m referring to "shoulds" as those things you say you ought to do like exercise, clean the attic, lose weight, find a new job, organize your files – but things you don’t want to do. I should do this …. I should do that.

Those seemingly innocent statements are sucking the energy right out of you. They’re weighing you down, causing you to feel guilty and preventing you from getting on with the really important things in life. This month, I’d like you to get rid of your old "should" list, and come up with an entire new list of goals that really get you excited.

To start off, you need to decide which are real goals and which are the "shoulds" I’m referring to. How long has this "should" been around? If you’ve had it for a year or more, I would suggest that it fits the category perfectly, and has probably been stealing quite a bit of vitality from you for a long time.

Let’s say one of yours is losing weight. Some of you have had that one for ten years or more! You’ve been feeling guilty for a very long time. You probably feel like a failure in this area, but somehow this "should" is not motivating to you. And now when I’m suggesting you get rid of it, you’re probably thinking, "great, then I’ll always be this size". Funny how without even realizing it, it’s somehow more comfortable to keep that noose around your neck!

For all these years you’ve been looking at the process of losing weight as something to dread. You’ve probably been thinking you’d need to starve yourself, or deprive yourself of things you really enjoy. Obviously those weren’t very empowering thoughts or you would have done it already.

What happens when you give up the "shoulds" is that suddenly you have more space to create the things you really want in life. Possibilities open up that you might never have thought of before because you were too busy feeling tired, guilty and unworthy.

When you finally get rid of your old "shoulds", tremendous possibilities open up for you …. and you’re suddenly FREE! Now you might choose something much better that you’d really enjoy. For instance, if weight loss was the issue, maybe you’ll start a hobby you’ve always dreamed of that would involve physical activity. Possibly a dance class. Without even thinking about the weight loss, you’ll be using your body more and will probably begin noticing positive changes. You might even feel so good that you also decide to begin treating your body to wholesome, healthy foods rather than always feeling like you need to eat "fat free" chemical laden foods. Eating a piece of fruit or creating a healthy dinner might take on a new pleasure as you begin appreciating the taste of things you were too preoccupied to enjoy before. You might decide to begin filling your body with pure water rather than sugar or artificially sweetened drinks, and begin to feel alive again.

With that old "should" finally gone, you might end up getting down to your ideal size after all – without any effort!
 

What are some of the "shoulds" you’ve been dragging around for a long time? I encourage you to set aside some time to think about it, and make your own list. (Make sure the items aren’t real goals, because everyone needs those.)

Once you’ve identified your "shoulds", get rid of them! Yes, you heard me right. Just be brave and get rid of them. Rip up the list or burn it, it’s costing you more than you ever imagined. Besides, what’s the point of dragging them around with you from day to day if you’re not doing anything about it anyway?

After you’ve taken the first step of identifying and eliminating your "shoulds", sit back and watch what comes up in your life. Give yourself time to think about what you’d really love to do. I have a feeling it’s going to be tremendous!